Let Love Have the Last Word by Common
Author:Common
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Atria Books
The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.
—Victor Hugo
* * *
Summer, overcast with occasional thunderstorms. I woke up thinking about all the things I needed to do, to say nothing of the flight that awaited. I couldn’t remember dreaming, or falling asleep, and I would’ve preferred to stay in Los Angeles to continue talking with my daughter in pursuit of a resolution; I wanted to do something to help her and to alleviate some of my own guilt. After the late-night phone call and text conversation, I had dozed off. Reconciliation can’t be rushed; it requires the patience to live and work with some emotional pain while revealing to the world only your smile. Life goes on, and other work has to get done.
For me, this can mean quite a few things now, not only performing and recording music, but preparing for movie roles, reading scripts and practicing, researching roles—sitting in an AA meeting, for example, or shadowing a city police detective—as well as conducting interviews, planning documentaries, developing television shows, shaking hands at this gala, giving a speech at that foundation or awards ceremony. Unless I have some downtime to relax and reset, I travel to multiple locations a few days a week, every week. As much as I wanted to stay and talk with my daughter, I had a show to do in Colorado, then soon after that I had to record in New York, then head down to New Orleans, and finally overseas to London for a few weeks.
It’s always been this way for me to some degree, on some kind of scale, whether big or small, whether flying first class or riding in the back of a panel van on tour from New York to California. Having to leave for work when my daughter needed me—again—only bolstered that feeling of guilt, transforming itself into a more urgent anxiety, the illusion of seeing myself as the good father removed and replaced by an accurate portrayal of the loving father who is never around, off to the next destination, chasing the next dream. It’s my life, and I asked for it, I prayed for it, I worked every day to bring it out from dream to reality, but my daughter needs me—and I need to work—and on and on it goes, the cycle.
Aun scrambled around the house to check for any last-minute things I needed to pack before leaving for the airport; we were already fifteen minutes late. We brought the bags down and outside to an idling black Suburban, our driver waiting patiently behind the wheel; we had twenty minutes to get to LAX, when it usually took thirty from my home, not including traffic, southbound on the 405, which can either be clear and easy to drive or can be a parking lot jam-packed with cars. I asked the driver for the AUX cable and plugged it into my iPhone.
I was working
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